The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
