I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize