This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
