So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
