yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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