Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
