i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
