yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So squirting runs in the family.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
