how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
