2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
