I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
