i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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