His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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