Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
