He kissed a someone with a penis
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize