Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Holy shit dude........stairs
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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