after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
