She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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