This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
