So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He? As in you personified your dick?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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