Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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