So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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