Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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