hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
