He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
