Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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