my mouth tastes like poor choices
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
