And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize