If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
