he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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