To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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