Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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