i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize