ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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