halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
