grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
