Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
