the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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