i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
