you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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