She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
