Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize