Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She even gives head with a lisp.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Randomize
