we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
