I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
