tell your sister to shave her snatch
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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