I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
