don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
