You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
