my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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