I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
