Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
