we have pet lesbian snakes
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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