and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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