walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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