I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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