Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Two words: blizzard sex
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
