I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
