I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
