I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
