here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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