my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
