All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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