I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize