Too much gin, very little bucket
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
