The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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