Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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