We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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