She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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