My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
