You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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