i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this boner is exhausting
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
