You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
