I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize