New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
