recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
