the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
