Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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