You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
