He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
