i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He is an equal opportunity slut.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
