Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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