I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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