Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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