Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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