and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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