We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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