Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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