In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
