you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize