Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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