We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
