Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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