i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
