Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
