i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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