Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
