she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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