Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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