If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
