Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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