I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
