I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize