how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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