If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
