Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
