Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
