smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize