I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
