I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
