Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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