i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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